Tuesday, May 20, 2008


How are YOU? Did you miss me? Were you worried about me? Thinking, “I wonder where The Cheap Chick is?”

Or, were you all, “is that lazy slack-ass ever going to post?” Or perhaps, “who the hell does she think she is, not posting before 4 PM, like she’s supposed to?” To which I say, “YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF ME. I AM THE BOSS OF ME. AND ALSO? SORRY.”

So, with no further delays, or Carrie Bradshaw-esque cutesy introductions, here they are! Ideas for graduation gifts! For high school students facing dorm life next year! Yes, the exclamation points are necessary!

1. Laundry Gift Basket: Give this gift, and maybe your student won’t bring their laundry home every stinkin’ weekend. Freeloading punks.
Laundry basket.
Detergent and fabric softener. Ask the graduates’ moms what they use, so the dorm-livers can recreate that feel of home, on their own.
A roll of quarters.
Instructions on how to actually DO laundry. I put together a whole instruction book, made out of a “Brag Book” photo album ($1.69 at Walgreens) and step by step instructions printed off of my work’s printer. Nothing beats exploiting my company’s office supplies for personal use!

2. Study Guide: This gift was inspired by the care package my Ma sent me during my first finals week.
Noise-cancelling head phones. Cheaper ones are available at Walmart.com, but not at their bricks-and-mortar stores. Annoying, yes, but you get a bigger bang for your buck if you order these off the Interwebs.
Ear plugs. You can find them in the home improvement department at Target.
Instant coffee, for caffeine high sans coffee maker or Starbucks.
A travel coffee mug.
A year’s supply of candy. Just get the stuff with a long shelf life – so chocolate probably isn’t your best bet. Oooo, but Pixie Sticks would be AWESOME.

3. Stay Healthy Doctor’s Kit: Dorms are filthy, nasty places, rife with germs and other ick. With this gift, maybe your college-bound grad won’t get mono their freshman year.
A jumbo bottle of hand sanitizer
A jumbo container of disinfecting wipes
Lysol (or other germ-killing) spray
Vitamin lozenges, like the ones with Vitamin C and Zinc. Or, my personal fave, Emergen-C.
Green tea, filled with antioxidants
Chicken noodle soup – in a can, for that classic “I’m six again, home from school, while my mommy tends to me” taste.

And then, there’s my favorite gift. The one to give, when all else fails.
4. In Case Of Emergency, Open: What you need in any dorm room worst case scenario.
Duct tape – the biggest roll you can find. If you can’t fix it with duct tape, do you REALLY need it?
A heavy flashlight, with extra batteries. Not only a source of light in the darkness, but a handy weapon, too.
A phone card, to call home. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
And – if you don’t think you’ll get in trouble for it – a box of condoms. Seriously. You know I’m right.

Most of the items I’ve mentioned can be purchased at Target or Walmart, or in bulk at Sam’s Club. So you can get a ton of gifts without blowing your budget. Which is good, considering wedding season (and the dreaded wedding GIFT season) is right around the corner.


LaRue said...

That is EXACTLY what I am buying my impressionable daughter when she goes off to college: BULK CONDOMS. How swell that she is also allergic to latex.

Lots of popcorn, ramen, and other cheap food staples for when they have spent their food money on booze would be nice. Remember that you can get 10 packages of Ramen for $1.00. And yes, they come in bulk at Sam's Club. Probably right next to the CONDOMS.

Anonymous said...

Just need a big bottle of Purell. The rest of that stuff is redundant. (including the laundry stuff.) ust use more purell. And from the smell of it, I bet you could drink it too. That'd be handy for college.

El Jefe

mia said...

A gigantic carton of Goldfish crackers from Sam's Club, a case of Red Bull, a half.com gift card...

mia said...

For the coffee drinkers--Target sells single-cup coffeemakers in the 15-20 dollar range.

Anonymous said...

Fantastic. I have three graduation parties to attend (for now, that's the count ... could grow any minute). I needed ideas. A check is so ... just a check.