Thursday, June 26, 2008

Give Me Your Money

Don’t give it to this guy. He’s way overrated, and those TEETH. Who could look at those teeth for any length of time?

Tip Of The Day: For your next event or meeting, hire The Cheap Chick! I’ll show you the many many ways you TOO can be Cheap and Fabulous. Seriously? Someone is paying me cash money to speak at their Mommies Group. And so can you.
In other news, I have a Shocking Revelation about a product that is ripping you off as we speak.

Tip For Tomorrow: A couple of beauty reviews and a recipe. Don’t worry, the recipe requires two ingredients, and one of them is WATER.

Further Elucidation Of My Cheap Deal: Raise your hand if you’ve gone to a seminar or meeting in the last year, and the main attraction was some key note speaker. Raise your other hand if that speaker was a motivational-type person. Raise your leg if that speaker bored the snot out of you.

Whoops! Did you just fall down? Sorry about that, but maybe you should work on your balance. Moving on.

In my job (real estate) we are constantly having seminars with an endless round of speakers telling us how we can have our Best Year Ever! Make More Money! Spend More Time With Our Families! Feel Fulfilled In Our Lives! And the message always boils down to the same thing:

1. Prospect more.
2. Follow up more.
3. Buy this program, and it will make your prospecting and follow-uping so much better.

Snore. But our company, and perhaps even your company, continue to hire these guys and inflict them on us. Bastards.

Personally, I never considered being one of those blowhard public speakers until I received a very interesting e-mail request from a lovely young lady named Beth. She had seen me on TV (ahh, FAME! Recognition! It is so sweet…), and wanted to know if I did public speaking engagements. For pay.

Here’s the thing, folks. As long as it’s legal and mostly moral and allows me to keep the majority of my clothing on, I’ll do almost anything for pay. Especially if that anything requires me to talk. And if the people I’m talking at are a captive audience, so much the better. They can’t tell me to shut up, like my friends and family do.

I told Beth that I was a real estate instructor, so I’m used to speaking to large (slightly hostile) groups, and that OF COURSE I could put together an hour long presentation (15 minutes extra at the end for Q&A). So hold onto your hats, random Mommies Group in Eden Prairie! The Cheap Chick is coming your way this Fall.

You are probably wondering at this juncture just exactly what I’m going to discuss for an entire hour. Here is the Official Cheap Chick Presentation, available for weddings and Bat Mitzvahs:

How To Live Cheap and Fabulous!
· History of the Chick and her year-long shopping experiment
· Where and how to shop Cheaply and Fabulously
· Where to scrimp, and WHY
· Future Cheap goals, including my next Shopping Challenge

Doesn’t that sound more fun than ‘How To Maximize Your Potential?’ I thought so, too.

Now you’re probably wondering, “how do I get me some Cheap Chick?” My rates are negotiable, depending on the size of the group and the length of my presentation – and whether or not your want props. I can sooooo do props, people.

If you want me (Oooooo, obvious double-entendre!), just contact me via my e-mail address, handily located on the right side of your computer screen. I can guarantee I will be cheaper than Tony Robbins, and my teeth are not the least bit terrifying


In Other News: As I stated before, I’m trying to eat more nutritiously and exercise more. In the spirit of cutting down and making better choices, I innocently picked up a box (on sale, mind you) of this:

Look! Only 100 calories! Individually sized, so I can just Grab and Go! But because I still have gluttony issues, and believe that more is more and BETTER, I also picked up a bag of this:

Note that it is a store brand. Ahhhh, the savings are so good.

Last night, I decided I needed a snack. So I pulled out the box, and carelessly flipped it over to the Nutrition Facts, where was hit by this:

There IS NO NUTRITION. In all those 100 calories, not one of them is good for me. So I checked the bagged snacks:

Just LOOK at all that nutrition in a simple bag of snack mix. Then I really started digging. The 100 Calorie Packs contain 21 grams of food for 100 calories and 3.5 grams of fat. For the bagged snack mix, I can have 30 grams of food for 130 calories and 4 grams of fat PLUS nutritional stuff like Niacin and Riboflavin. And it cost a dollar less, even with the box being on sale.

Lesson learned, folks. Get the bagged snack and measure it out. Don’t be fooled by slick packaging and low calorie promises. You don’t want to feel like I do. Betrayed. Let down. ROBBED BY YOUR SNACKS.


Michelle said...

I knew there had to be something wrong with the 100 calorie packs! It just seemed too good to be true. And it is. Congrats on the speaking engagement! That is too cool! I know you'll be great. Very exciting.

dharmamama said...

Now you just have to come up with a weekend seminar, so you can say - but if you *really* want to live cheaply, you have to come to my seminar! I save the best tips for that! And it's only $1297! lol (Sorry - I got sucked into seeing James Ray, and that was basically his whole message. Apparently, I'm not *really ready* for a life of wealth and abundance, 'cause there was NO WAY I was paying for that!)