Sunday, October 21, 2007

I See London, I See France...


I see the Cheap Chick’s underpants.

(left: Gilligan & O’Malley Modern Rise Brief, bottom center: No Boundaries Cheekies, right: Gap Body Low-rise Hipsters)

Gather round, my Chicks, while I tell you the tale of a girl and her unmentionables. It’s a story filled with love, loss, and redemption. Listen closely.

Once upon a time, in a happy place known as Target, there was a department filled with underwear. One style living there in relative obscurity was the Cherokee Low-cut Brief. A savvy Chick (that would be me) found these underpants while desperately searching for a pair that would not peep over the waistband of her low-rise jeans.

She wished for three things, and they were all granted by these magical pants:
1. She wished for no visible panty lines. Granted
2. She wished for them to not go up her lower extremities. Granted again
3. She wished for 100% cotton, so that her lower extremities would stay sweat-free and healthy. Granted to the third, bitches!

She bought a three-pack for $9.99 and ran home to try them out. Upon finding them perfect, she proceeded to tell the world (a.k.a. her friends) about them.

When she went back for more, she discovered the underpants had magically morphed into Gilligan & O’Malley Modern Rise Briefs. (Which made sense since the target market for Cherokee – mom-jeans-wearing folk with no need for low rise – had not matched the product.)

So the Chick and her underpants lived many (3-4) years in bliss. In fact, the pant’s popularity grew to such that they even became the title of the GREATEST BOOK EVER WRITTEN, Target Underwear and a Vera Wang Gown: Notes from a Single Girl’s Closet, by Adena Halpern.

(Wait a minute, what did you say? You haven’t read it? What is the matter with you??? Go NOW and buy it. No, you can’t check it out of the library! You need to financially support Adena’s talent, so that she can write me another fabulous book!)

But then, one day, disaster struck. The Chick and her dear friend, Larue, were shopping at the happy place, only to find that the Modern Rise Brief was being DISCONTINUED. Because, apparently, selling world-renown underwear was not part of Target’s master plan.

To add insult to injury, the product replacing the perfect underpants wasn’t even 100% cotton. It was micro-fiber. Ugh. With leg bands guaranteed to cause visible panty lines. Double ugh.

So the Chick was forced to search high and low for an adequate replacement. She eventually found the exact same underpants at Gap Body – Low-rise Hipsters. However, she had to wait for them to go on clearance every season, as their regular price was $8.50 to $12.50 per pair. Shocking.

Chick’s other dear friend, HaC, found herself a more than adequate replacement – Cheekies by No Boundaries at Walmart. These were also 100% cotton and sold for less than $6 for a three-pack. However, with their seamed crotch, they went up the Chick’s lower extremities. She bought them anyway, though, since they were undeniably cute.

Years (1 ½) passed, and the Chick thought she would never again find true happiness in her underpants (okay, that came out wrong). But then, one day (October 20, 2007, to be exact), the Gilligan & O’Malley underpants came back. Why? Was the international outrage created by the loss of the world’s greatest underpants too much for the powers-that-be at Target to bear? WHO CARES? The underpants were back, now labeled Low-rise Hipsters (yes, like the ones still found at Gap Body, now shush). They still retail for $9.99 for a three-pack.

I’ve already bought 6 pairs. The End.

3 comments:

The Material Girl said...

I love my Cheekies - I just wish Target had something comparable, since I rarely venture into Wal-Mart. In fact, every time I go to Wal-Mart I (attempt to) replenish my Cheekies supply (they are frequently out of my size). I can't remember if I have nine or 12 pair, but either way it's not enough! (PS - The Material Girl is my blogger handle, but I will forever be HaC to the Cheap Chick.)

larue said...

I love these underwear as well, for all the same reasons. They are divine.

Jugglernaut said...

This touching tale made me weep a little — and then put "get undies" on my calendar. Thanks, Cheap Chick!