Thursday, January 10, 2008

If The Shoes Fit, Don't Wear Them On A Date

(Above: the offensive shoes. Sorry, I think they’re cute.)

Date Tip Of The Day: What I wore on a date – where I bought it, and what I paid for it. And how all my hard work and forethought DID NOT PAY OFF.

Tip For Tomorrow: The Nu Look Sale is TODAY (Thursday, January 10th) – I’ll show you what I found in tomorrow’s post.

Further Elucidation Of My Cheap Deal: As I’ve stated before, The Cheap Chick is single. And for some reason, folks are FASCINATED by my dating life. I guess because it’s like watching, or hearing about, a train wreck – if a train wreck were filled with inappropriate men. Hey! Good idea: fill a train with all the bad men I’ve dated and WRECK it.

Anywho, I’ve discovered that the most fun part of my various dates is figuring out what to wear on them. Listed below is an example of a cute outfit, worn on a rather disastrous first date. See if you can pick out what the guy did wrong.

I agreed to go out with Guy (not his real name), because he fit three very important criteria: 1. he was gainfully employed, 2. he was NOT gainfully employed where I work, and 3. he was cute. Now, I recognize that cute is in the eye of the beholder, so MY cute may not be YOUR cute. But trust me on this one, he was cute to everyone.

The only visible drawback to Guy was his height – he didn’t have much of it. The Cheap Chick, on the other hand, is almost 5’8”. I know some guys don’t care if they date a girl taller than them – some even find it sexy. But I decided to wear flats, instead of my normal 2 to 5 inch heels, to put him at ease.

It was late summer, so I had many clothing options. I decided to go with “kicky cosmopolitan professional”, since we were meeting right after work. Here’s what I wore:
1. Cherry red fitted Capri pants: JCPenney’s, $17.99 on sale
2. White fitted button-down shirt, with the sleeves rolled half-way up my upper arm, ala Jennifer Aniston: New York and Co., $19.99 on sale
3. New leopard-print flats (sans socks): Target, $14.99
4. Medium gold hoops: Claire’s, $7.99

Cute, no? That’s what I thought. So off I went to meet Guy at a local Caribou Coffee – if you live outside the Midwest, it is like Starbucks with, well, caribou.

Things started off well; he bought my jumbo green tea with honey, and got a regular coffee with milk for himself. I like a man who drinks coffee, and not coffee/kiddie drinks that are essentially dessert. We sat down across from each other in those poofy-comfy chairs. And that’s when the trouble began.

He kept looking at my feet, with a slightly puzzled expression. At first, I wrote it off to him being surprised at how little they are. I have freakishly small feet, which, for some, can be unnerving. But he just kept LOOKING at them. So I finally asked, “Is there something on my shoes?”

“No… hmm.”

So I asked, “Is there something WRONG with my shoes?”

“Well, I don’t really… get them. (I didn’t know flats were so confusing.) They kind of look like… bedroom slippers. Is that what they are? (He asked this so hopefully, like I was so into him, I forgot to put my damn shoes on.) Are they bedroom slippers?”

Confession time: since this date, other people have made the same comment. Whatever.

“No, they’re regular shoes. I just got them. I thought they were cute.”

Now, the APPROPRIATE response to this would have been, ‘yes, they ARE cute, and so are YOU.’ But no. No, instead he took this opportunity to launch into a diatribe on how women pay more attention to their footwear than to current events. We could name all the top shoe designers, but we couldn’t name the potential Presidential candidates. Then his rant turned to politics, and how he was a diehard Republican who still supported Bush, dammit, because he’s a REAL American.

After about 5 minutes, he stopped, looked at me sheepishly and said, “Well, not YOU, of course. It’s just… my ex-girlfriend used to waste so much money on shoes. Who needs that many pairs?”

Okay, kids, let’s count the problems, shall we?
1. He ripped on my shoes. On a FIRST DATE. Sorry, you don’t get to do that until we’re MARRIED, and not even THEN.
2. He insulted the intelligence and political savvy of women everywhere, me included.
3. Sorry, lame attempt at a pseudo-apology, Guy.
4. I do not care about your ex-girlfriend and what she does with her money. TMI on a first date.
5. He’s a Republican that still likes Dubya. ‘Nuf said.
6. I NEED THAT MANY PAIRS. Shoes are love, bucky.

Needless to say, he did NOT get lucky on that date, and I have since “lost” his phone number. But I still have, and love, those shoes.


Jugglernaut said...

Love the shoes. Scorn the Guy.

Can I add my bad-date guys to your train wreck? Please?

The Cheap Chick said...

But of course! Misery loves company.

LaRue said...

See, THIS is why I married at 21. My husband may comment on my hair and occasionally complain that I have had it cut into a mullet (NOT) but he has NEVER complained about my shoes. Nor how much money women spend on shoes. He KNOWS the "Shoe Creed."

Plus, he buys his poker books, so we each have our own money pit hobby. It works out well.

The shoes? Fabulous. That guy? Sounds like an ass. Definately put him on the train. I have some past ones I could contribute as well.

I think there needs to be a National Holiday involved with the train wreck as well. And pie. Everyone loves pie.

George said...

Add my dates to the train as well. Let me know when the wrecking starts so I can get a front seat (from a safe distance from all of the wreckage of course).

I'd like to find a guy as cute and perfect as my gay boyfriends - while actually being into women and not men. If only Sean could be cloned - sigh.

Michelle said...

Those shoes are so adorable! Wow...that guy was quite the loser.

Anonymous said...

I think he's gay.

tundrababe said...

Good idea: fill a train with all the bad men I’ve dated and WRECK it.

That is hysterical! That dude definitely belonged on that train (and I have some to add along with the others here too). What a loser. He actually deserves to be tied to the track before the train.

Cheap tip: Have you heard of e.l.f. cosmetics? Everything is a dollar. One dollar! I was a little scared it was made of toxic waste at that price, but I tried a tube of moisture-care lip color. I have super-sensitive lips, and they are happy with it. I LOVE this stuff, and it's a dollar! Check it out. They sell it at Kmart, and at their website.

The Material Girl said...

My husband, The Blonde One, will ocassionally mock my 50+ pair shoe collection, but I mock his geeky computer game habit, so we're even.

What kind of a moron would wear bedroom slippers out in public - on a first date?!? I think that was really the point he became useless to me. Republicans. Yikes!

Anonymous said...

To be fair, they do look like slippers.

They also look like comfortable shoes. NTTATWWT...

For the record, the poker books come from the poker bankroll. No money pit there. However, I do have to cop to the geeky computer game habit.

El Jefe

Bionic Beauty said...

LMAO! That guy is, well, um... he seems like a tool. I saw those shoes at Target the other day and thought they were adorable as well. I'm your height and you should've just come back with "Well, I didn't want to tower over your shortness on our first date, freak." :)

but then again, I guess I'm all about the power to us girls. I don't really have tons of shoes, but I have purses. And just because I shop and have a beauty blog certainly does not make me an idiot about politics, life, or what kind of men are undesirable.

Whew... I should step off my podium now. :)

Love your writing!