Monday, January 21, 2008

You Say It's Your Birthday?

Well, it ain't mine. YET.

Tip Of The Day: If you are aging rapidly, like I am, you need to treat yourself to stave off the ravages of time. Here is a list of some of the ways you can feel better about being over 30. No, booze is not one of them.

Tip For Tomorrow: Turn your head and cough. The high cost of staying healthy, and how to justify it. Plus, ways to save on the necessities. No, hair is not one of them.

Further Elucidation Of My Cheap Deal: I woke up this morning, and it hit me – I am REALLY not in my 20’s anymore. Not even a tiny bit. Nope, on January 27th, I will be in my mid-30’s. 35, to be exact. And at 35, you have to start ruling out things you aren’t ever going to do in your lifetime.

I will never be a super model. I will never win an Academy Award. I’ll never dance on Broadway. I’ll never dance on Dancing With The Stars. And I’ll never be the sixth Spice Girl. Getting old SUCKS.

However, there is still time to do many of the things I always wanted to do, like get my own television show and meet Oprah (not necessarily in that order). And there is ALWAYS time to do nice things for myself, and you can, too. Do nice things for yourself, I mean, not me. Unless you WANT to do nice things for me, in which case, I won’t stop you.

1. Get a pedicure. I love a good pedicure, so much so that I even allow pedicures to be an item I can spend more than $20 on. However, I feel utterly justified in this decision. First, I don’t get a lot of pedicures, maybe 2-3 times a year. Second, you cannot FIND a pedicure in all of MN for under $30, let alone $20.
I go to L.A. Nails in Roseville. The staff is nice, they have an insane amount of colors to choose from, and they do the best job of removing icky callused skin. Gross, yet oddly satisfying.

2. Get a spray-on Mystic Tan. Once upon a time, I would have recommended you go tanning-booth tanning, but that’s aging and cancer-causing – not what we want in our 30’s. Or any time, really.
Spray-on tans are not for the faint of heart, though. You have to strip down, step into a booth, hold your breath, and stand very still as cold mist is squirted all over your body. Not enjoyable, but faster than slathering on tanning cream at home.
If you buy a Mystic Tan package, you can usually get the price below $20 a session. I go to Italian Tan in Blaine, off of 109th. They always have a sale going on, and the staff is very sweet.

3. Color your hair at home. Upon reading this, my hair dresser will commence banging her head against a wall. Let me clarify. Try an at-home hair color for a new look, but only after CAREFULLY reading the directions, and CAREFULLY choosing a color not too terribly different from your original color. The idea is to improve what you’ve got, not go platinum blonde. You can also go online for tips and instructions, like at:
The products available today are really simple to use (I prefer L’Oreal Preference; I do not care for their Feria line), not damaging to your head, and under $20.
Warning: Seriously, READ THE DIRECTIONS. Then, FOLLOW THEM. If you don’t, don’t come crying to me if your hair turns orange.

4. Try a new, frivolous beauty product. Now is the time to try out that body wash, lotion, eye cream, lipstick, or foundation, whatever you’ve been eyeing. Treat yourself to a little something pretty on your birthday. Who else is going to?
I’m thinking about buying a new Maybelline blush and an Ulta powder brush. I have a sad addiction to make-up brushes. Each one promises better make-up application, and thus, a prettier face.

5. Eat a disgustingly bad-for-you dessert. I recommend the Great Wall of Chocolate at PF Chang’s. It’s enough cake to feed, well, China, but feel free to eat the whole thing yourself. I get it without the raspberry sauce – why does everyone insist on ruining perfectly good chocolate with nasty, cough-medicine-tasting raspberry sauce?
For the gluten-free amongst us, they also have a Flourless Chocolate Dome. Yum.

6. Give yourself a “snow day.” Remember snow days from your childhood? When school was closed, your parents still had to go to work, and you were left with free reign of the house for the whole day? Ahh, good times.
Call into work dead, swing by the library/grocery store/Blockbuster for supplies, and hunker down for the day. I plan to do this on Sunday, my day-o-birth. I’ve even got my books picked out – the last Harry Potter, and T is for Trespass by Sue Grafton. As for food, is there anything more perfect than a Totino’s Party Pizza? Why yes there is – two Party Pizzas.

Lucky Number 7. Donate. The best way to feel good about yourself is to help others feel good. Go through your closets, pull what you aren’t wearing (and be honest – about your size, your taste, and your lifestyle) and bring it to Goodwill. Do a food drive on your birthday, and bring your collection to Second Harvest.
Or write a check. Even $20 helps out your good cause of choice. If you feel the urge to donate in my name (hey, why not?) please give to the Arthritis Foundation. You can find them here:

There you have it. Now, go ye forth and celebrate my birth this weekend with food, strong drink, and dance.


LaRue said...

Rapidly aging? I think not. You look swell. Oh stop, you! You could still win an Academy Award, AND go on Dancing with the Stars. Jane Seymour is 50+ and she was just on it. Super model? Maybe not. 6th Spice Girl? Unlikely. But you could dance on Broadway. Just not as a Rockette.

Pedicures - I know nothing about. Spray on tan -HAH! I am translucent. Coloring your hair - I seem to remember a particular orange stripe situation happening June 18th, 1993...

Make-up brushes - not so much. But that GF chocolate cake is DIVINE.

I am rather disappointed. No puppet show? No interpretive dance? No avant-garde production? No naming a star in your honor? Adopting a monkey?

Such limited birthday choices, indeed.

Anonymous said...

Hehe - I'm so sorry, but "Spinster Spice" just popped into my mind... and it was too good not to share.

Happy Birthday! Mean it.

El Jefe

MamaGeek said...

$20 a day? WOW. I'm amazed!

ErinMN said...

Hey there, love your blog and read it every day. I have a quick hot tip for you---if you shop at the Rainbow at the Quarry (NE Mpls), the register receipts have all those coupons on the back, right? Wellll, there's one for an $18 pedicure at the nice place just behind the quarry on the Target side. Shopping at Rainbow already = cheap, so double whammy! Thanks for the blog.


Michelle said...

Happy Birthday, early! Awesome tips on how to celebrate your b-day. I especially love the Snow Day and the Donating tips. I agree with Larue--you still have plenty of time to win an Academy Award OR go on Dancing with the Stars.

I love pedicures! So relaxing. I usually just do mine at home.