Group Therapy Thursday: Baby, I’m A Star!

Above: It’s so sad. I was a ham even at the age of four. Don’t I look ready for my close-up?

Tip Of The Day: We’re delving into your childhood. Stop by Comments and confess your biggest childhood dream – what you always, really, truly, and TOTALLY wanted to be when you grew up.

Tip For Tomorrow: Make it work! Thank you, Tim Gunn, for that multi-purpose catch phrase. And speaking of multi-purpose, we’ll look at how you can put the stuff you already have, just laying around the house, to work in new and interesting ways.

Further Elucidation Of My Cheap Deal: Therapy is expensive stuff, people. Worse? It is not so much in the WOO-HOO, THIS IS FUN Category. Wouldn’t you rather come here for your group session, and confess a bunch of stuff to your online, bloggy friends, who you’ve never met before, and probably never will? We don’t judge, we’re totally anonymous, and we don’t cost a thing. Just like JLo’s love.

And in this week’s episode of Group Therapy Thursday, we’re going back in time to your childhood.

Therapists LOVE to get you talking about your childhood. Your relationship to your parents, your sibling rivalries, who picked on you in school – all of this is meaty stuff to chow down during an hour long visit to the couch.

However, I’d rather focus on the fun part of being a kid – such as dreaming about the day when you would FINALLY be a grown-up. And if you’re like me, you thought sixteen was the epitome of adulthood. Not so much. I look at teenagers today and I want to wrap a diaper around them. Or a belt – seriously, PULL UP YOUR PANTS. AND GET OUT OF MY YARD.

So instead of digging through the painful dirt of your upbringing, we’re going to share with the group the Big Dream. Your secret, dearly beloved, closely-held desire for your adult career. In short, what you really wanted to be when you grew up. And, performing monkey that I am, I will go first.

Can you guess what I wanted to be from the picture above? Looking at it you might think, “A Broadway star? An actress? A pop singer? A model? A drag queen?”

None of those really. Although being a female drag queen would be SO COOL – kinda like living out my ‘I’m really Julie Andrews’ fantasy. But no.

What I really, truly wanted to be (and let’s be honest – this is therapy after all – STILL want to be) was famous. Like, Princess Di famous. Walking down the street, dodging the paparazzi, famous. My every move chronicled by TMZ famous. Go into rehab, be a crazy-bad mother coked up on God knows what, but everyone still loves me and wants me to get back into the studio and crank out another hit album, famous.

I want to be interviewed by People Magazine. I want Kitson to ask me to design a special clothing line for their stores. I want to be someone’s muse. I want a handbag/perfume/make-up color/STREET named after me. I want to go to Piddy’s (P Diddy? Puffy? Paddywack? Whatever) White Party in the Hamptons. I even want the backlash from being TOO famous, like the Spice Girls or Britney Spears.

Notice I didn’t state exactly WHAT I’d be famous for. That always seemed secondary, like a blip on the map on my way to Famousland. Call me Paris Hilton (actually, please don’t, it will make me cry), but I just want(ed) to be famous, and I didn’t care why or how I got there.

Even worse? When I turned thirty (The Cheap Chick is 35, in case you were wondering), I cried because I realized my chances of becoming famous were that much less. Fame seems readily achievable in your twenties, but by thirty you should have hit or quit it.

My whole ‘I Want To Be Famous’ need has been somewhat assuaged now that I’m on Fox 9 every week. But sadly, I WANT MORE. Nay, I NEED MORE. I told you I was a performing monkey…

So now you know. When I grow up, I want to be famous. What about you? What do you want to be when you grow up? You have the floor – Group Therapy Thursday is now in session.