Thursday, April 24, 2008

However, I Am NOT Addicted To Love


Nor am I a dick with a glove. And thank you, Larue, for my new favorite misheard lyric.

Tip Of The Day: Today’s Group Therapy Thursday topic is addiction. Drop by ye olde Cheap But Not Easy Comments below, and share with the group what your addictions are.

Tip For Tomorrow: Have you ever noticed how Tip For Tomorrow sounds like Search For Tomorrow? Or is that just me? It’s just me? Okay.
Anyway, Tip For Tomorrow! Cheap cures for what ails you. I thought that would be apropos, since I will be whooping it up in Des Moines this weekend – and I’ll need all the cures I can get.

WARNING: Please bear in mind, today’s post is meant to be tongue-in-cheek. If you feel the urge to take yourself seriously, go elsewhere for your blogging pleasure.

Further Elucidation Of My Cheap Deal: Here at Group Therapy Thursday – your thriftiest form of psychiatric help – we try to work out our issues together. For FREE. Free being the most important part, seeing as I have no funds for a real shrink. Or shrinky meds, which yes, I clearly need.

Each Therapy session, I take what I know about psychology (very little), and apply it to the Group. This week, we’re delving into that age-old concept, gleaned from self-help books and Meetings – Step One.

Step One: To overcome a problem, you must first admit you have one. To overcome an addiction, you must first admit what you are addicted to.

Now, although I AM PERFECT IN EVERY WAY, I can concede that perhaps I am, oh… I don’t know, strongly drawn to certain things. And for the sake of discussion, I guess you could call them addictions. And maybe, MAYBE, if I’d admit them, perhaps I could lessen their hold on me. I’ll give it the old college try.

My name is The Cheap Chick, and I’m addicted to:

1. America’s Next Top Model. Damn that Tyra Banks and her quest for the best! I’m obsessed with the challenges, the photo shoots, the critiques, the catfights, Jay Manuel and his hair-not-found-in-nature, every last skinny bitch second of each show. And we're on cycle ten, y'all.
And yes, I have been known to pose in my mirror and catwalk down the hall, in the privacy of my own home. I am FIERCE.

2. Target. Even though my happy place has been on a mission lately to PISS ME OFF (why can’t you carry the one, simple Sunsilk product that I need? WHY????), I still need to be in their store at least twice a week. Or a day. Don’t judge me.

3. The Renaissance Festival. This is a hard addiction to bear, seeing as how I can only get my fix 1 ½ months out of the year. Plus? I think this may be part of a larger problem – my addiction to dressing like a complete slut whenever I can. See also: my addiction to Halloween and Las Vegas.

4. Totino’s Party Pizzas. Oh, Totino’s. If loving you is wrong, I don’t want to be right. You may have no redeeming nutritional value, and are probably the main reason why I no longer fit into any of my spring wardrobe, but I can't quit you.
Is it your bizarre yet tasty crust? Is it your fake cheese topping? Is it your faux meat sausage? I don’t know, and I DON’T CARE. This is one addiction I can’t give up.

5. Brittany Spears. What does it say about me that I’m addicted to a woman who is mentally ill? This can’t be good, right?
But I love her! With a love that’s pure and true! I love her when she’s filled with the crazy, speaking with a bad British accent, loving up the WRONG MEN nuttiness. And I love her when she’s clean and (mostly) sober.
I just want to take her home and make her some soup. And then fix her make-up. And tell her to stand up straight and stop dressing like a hoochie you’ve got kids for Pete’s sake.
Perhaps it’s my untapped mothering instinct that draws me to her. Wow. How’s that for self-analysis?

I’m sure if I dug even deeper, I’d find further addictions. But hey! Enough about me! Now it’s your turn to share. Please tell the Group what YOU are addicted to. Don’t be shy, you’ll feel better if you just let it all out.

9 comments:

BellaNikkita said...

A dick with a glove...roflmao!!!! That's fabulous! Okay, addictions: Skinny Cow ice cream cones (cheapest at Target; not grocery stores). Shoes, but not expensive ones. Purses, expensive ones. Home shopping Network (HSN). Finding awesome deals at stores. Myspace (come see me! www.myspace.com/nlcoar). Recycling. And finally, the Cheap But Not Easy blog!

mia said...

1. Email. I get very concerned when I cannot check my email for longer than a few hours. I fear that I am missing out on some terribly important, potentially life-altering piece of news.
2. Potato chips, or anything else involving a deep fried potato in some shape or form.
3. Oranges. The act of peeling them, the smell of them--it's all very therapeutic. And they are better for you than chips.
4. Reading lists and rankings. Judging by the popularity of The Book of Lists, I am not alone on this one.

Shayne said...

Exercise videos (shocker, huh?) and all things crafty

Shayne said...

I forgot to add I am addicted to those terrible late-night exercise/fitness infomercials. I love to watch the infomercials and then correct them when they make mistakes about physiology and use poor form.

standing still said...

I'm with Mia on the fried potato piece. Cookies. ANY kind of cookies. Cannot stop with one. Must have 7 dozen. Bare Escentuals make-up. I cannot pass the one at the MOA without buying a pot of eyeshadow. So, I don't go to the MOA. New office products. Nary a visit to Target without dropping a new package of post-its in my cart.
And, Television. I Luuuurrrrrvvvveee Television. Even crazy Dr. Phil and skanky Rock of Love. Train wrecks I cannot take my eyes off of.

LaRue said...

Hmmm. Bad 80's music and videos. E-mail, definately. Reading blogs (obsessively clicking is more like it). Chocolate. Beading things. Staying up late.

And going to the Ren Fest is not an addiction, it is a lifestyle choice. Get it right, sheesh. And isn't it going to be fun in 2010 when we go as Venetian Courtesans??

Jennifer said...

You are too funny!! You had ROTFL with the Tostinos!!

My addiction:

Coffee, but not just any, it HAS to be Dunkin Donuts Coffee only. I drink at least 3 medium sized cups 7 creams, 7 sugars a day, sometimes more. You will always see me with a cup in hand and my I can tell you where one is within miles of where I may be at,lol!!

My dad has said that at my funeral he is going to pour a cup of DD coffee in my casket: I said Promise me you will cause I sure will need it!

The Material Girl said...

My addictions? Obsessions may be more accurate a term, but that is neither here nor there. Here are the main ones, but in no way is this an exhaustive list (in no particular order):
Diet Coke (aka Nectar of the Gods)
Lindt Extra Dark Truffles (thank God the packages are relatively small)
Fricking Webkinz (particularly Goober's Lab - it's a game, don't ask)
Catalogs and fashion magazines (not that there are many fashion magazines in existence anymore)
Lip product (balm, gloss or stick, but usually all three together)
Folding and organizing my (and my daughter's) clothes
Shoes (not ridiculously expensive ones unless I find them on clearance)
Knitting

I think I need help!

Susan said...

Totinoes Party Pizza is the bomb! Blammo!