Wednesday, April 30, 2008

That Which Is Neither Cheap Nor Fabulous Is Unsightly In My Eyes


Kid, I feel your pain.

Tip Of The Day: A compendium of the things in life that are A. expensive and B. sucky.

Tip For Tomorrow: It’s time for Group Therapy Thursday, kids! This week we are unveiling our most embarrassing moments from childhood – the bad, the worse, and truly heinous. Extra points if you provide photographic evidence of the event!

Further Elucidation Of My Cheap Deal: I have been an unhappy camper this week, as many foreseen and unforeseen expenses have been kicking my hindquarters. Each time one rears its expensive head, I get just a wee bit pissy-er. Thus, the bottle of Bitch Wine purchased yesterday.

Therefore, I am inspired today to compose a list of all the things that are neither cheap, nor fabulous. Please feel free to add your own items in the Comments section. Perhaps through sharing our monetary agony we can find some relief. Although, truth be told, I’d rather you share your booze and candy. But I’ll take what I can get.

The List Of Things That Suck and Cost Money Better Spent On Shoes:

1. Gas. It’s now $3.52 a gallon at the station closest to my house. Sorry, friends, if you never see me anymore. It’s just too damn expensive to visit you now. Please remember me fondly.

2. My health insurance. Seeing as how it is quite bad and covers nothing, can you imagine how happy I was when I got the notice today that it’s going from $135 a month to $151. However, I have the option of increasing my deductible from $1000 to $2000 and lowering the bill to $120 a month.
Oh happy day. All I have to do then is pray that I never, ever get sick or injured or hit by a bus. ‘Cuz then I’m up that metaphorical creek, folks.

3. Late Fees and Bank Overdrafts. I had my very first overdraft from my checking account last week. And no, it wasn’t as tasty as my first (legal) drink or as fun as my first… never you mind.
Also? My credit card company just informed me today that my late fees are going up $10 a month, per bill. Good times.

4. Speeding Tickets. Once I hit thirty, I vowed to never get a ticket again. Well, some vows are meant to be broken, kind of like chastity and silence. I dodged a speeding ticket bullet last week when I was pulled over by THE CUTEST, BUFF-EST, HOTTEST SHERIFF EVER, JUST ARREST ME NOW YOU STUD. Lucky for me, his car computer was down – so he couldn’t track my driving record.
He said he was going to back to the office to use the computer there, and “decide if you (I) deserve a ticket.” I think that’s sheriff code for “slow down, you moron. And quit staring at my pecks.” I was fortunate that day, as I have yet to receive a ticket in the mail. Thank you, Hot Sheriff!

5. All My Real Estate Fees. Guess what? It’s expensive to be a Realtor, people. This week I had to pay my Errors and Omissions insurance, my licensing fee, AND my marketing expenses. So if you ask me I’ll cut my commission for you, seeing as how we’re friends and all that? The answer is NO. And? BUY ME SOME SHOES, YOU FREE-LOADER.

6. The Renewal Fee for My Home Warranty. Actually, this doesn’t suck, and I can put it on a credit card. But it cost money, money better spent on more Bitch Wine and chocolates.

So that’s what’s making me less than sparkly and fun today. What expenses are bumming YOU out lately? What do you find neither Cheap nor Fabulous?

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ticketmaster fees. By the time you pay them all, the fees cost as much as the tickets. Such a ripoff!

Tundrababe said...

That was me. :-p Not the HOT SHERIFF, sadly.

Nikki said...

Oh dear Cheap Chick (Cheap and *Fabulous*, as I like to refer to you), I feel your pain. When it rains, it pours.

#1. Having to replace a brand new tire for running over something on the highway 169 that couldn't be avoided. This is one of the tires that I replaced 3 months ago when a work truck directly in front of me dumped sharp scrap metal all over the road; destroying TWO of my tires. Another $120, this weekend.

#2. School fees for my MBA summer semester are due now. WOO! $3124.00, check is in the mail as we speak.

#3. I'm wayyy overdue for my oil change and my LOW OIL sign just came on on the dashboard. $26, tomorrow.

and finally, #4. I'm so out of groceries that I actually ate chips and salsa for dinner tonight.
$75, tomorrow. (low because I shop at Aldi's!)

Rich said...

1. We just found out how much we get to pay for my oldest stepson's braces this summer ... $4,500! Insurance will pay for $2,000 of it, which we're told is actually pretty good. Most insurance companies only pay $1,000 or so. Still ... YIKES! We're striving to come up with our entire payment up front, to avoid having to pay anything extra on a finance plan.

2. The youngest stepson got his first pair of eyeglasses tonight, for a relatively cheap $200. But kids are tough on glasses, even with training ... how many more pairs to come in the future? Thank gosh for flex-spending plans.

3. Like the Cheap Chick, we're also really upset with the high price of gasoline. I'd sure like to have a word with the fat cats who are making billions off of us. I've been wanting to bicycle the 15 miles to and from work, but I work second shift in downtown Minneapolis and the missus says "No!"

4. Groceries. Milk, eggs, cereal, etc., for a family of six has been really adding up fast lately. Coupons only help so much!

The Material Girl said...

1. I am currently miserable due to allergies that are neither cheap nor fabulous (but since I wouldn't have them if it weren't spring, I can only complain so much).

2. My four year-old is having some bizarre (for her) separation anxiety and I am tired of having to share my skin with BooBoo.

3. Credit card late fees - a day late will cost me $35.00. Are we sure they're opening their mail right when they get it?

4. Again, the cost of gas. I just spent $45.00 to fill my Ford Contour. Yeah.

5. The war. Please, for the love of God, send our troops home.

6. Again, insurance companies. I am still paying off BooBoo's ER visit for a 104.4 temperature. Normally we would only have to pay 20%, but they are making us pay more. Why? Apparently someone decided that we should have taken her to Urgent Care instead of the ER. Why did we take her to the ER? Because Urgent Care told us to. Idiots.

But, you, Cheap Chick, you ARE Cheap (in a good way) and Fabulous!

The Material Girl said...

Oh, another thing that is neither Cheap nor Fabulous - my sparkly (read gray) hair. Yikes!

Jennifer said...

What ticks me off:

1.The newspapers prices(which I only buy for the coupon iserts) have been raised

2. Gas of course has been way out of control, $3.69 as of this morning!

3. Milk, which I have 3 kids who love the stuff, has skyrocketed. I could feed our family of 5 with the price of 1 gallon,lol!!

4. Our Cell Phone bill which always seems to go higher every other mth.

LaRue said...

1. Hmm. Children can be fabulous, but are not cheap.

2. My short hair requires WAY more time and energy than I currently alot for hair care. It is neither cheap nor fabulous.

3. Braces. I agree with Rich on those. Except we have 2 children to metal-up.

4. Hospital/medical bills from people who can't figure out why I am still sick AFTER the $7,000 surgery. Nice.

5. Bras for women with big racks. Its as much as gas these days.

I agree with HaC though - you are Cheap and Fabulous.

Sandnmyshooz said...

Heading my list of decidedly awful expenses is the vet bill for our elderly cat, who was diagnosed w/ cancer on Friday. For the curious, it costs $340 for an ultrasound of one "body cavity" of a 6-pound feline. Her health has quickly luged downhill this past 6 months & we've dropped more than a grand on vet bills, meds & special foods, now including chicken breast, the only thing she will eat. I would gladly, happily, pay any amount of money if only she could get well. Instead we now have set up in-home hospice for her: lots of laptime, snuggles & all the chicken she can eat.

Like rich & larue, I too have a child entering the World of Orthodontia (hereafter called WOO). Phase I WOO is nearly 3 grand, 1/3 of which insurance will (we hope) cover. Heaven help us for Phase II & beyond....

Don't even get me started on gasoline & the price of groceries....Thank you for enticing me out of lurkdom for fabulous free therapy Thursday.

mia said...

Moving can be really expensive, as I'm learning. Pretty much every UHaul/shipping/moving type service is expensive, and you really do have to keep your eyes open and do your homework so you don't get hit by a ton of unforeseen costs and scams.

Anonymous said...

Workers' compensation insurance sucks big-time, along with the crappy people who administer it. You pay a ton of money just for the pleasure of having it, then they audit your books and see if they'll give a half-ton back. It's a screwed-up system.