Thursday, May 15, 2008

True Confessions Of The Chick

Tip Of The Day: Welcome to this week’s Group Therapy Thursday – your cheapest form of pop psychology EVER. And more fun than watching Dr. Phil yell at his idiotic guests. Seriously, where do they find those people?

Tip For Tomorrow: Two beauty product reviews. What I’m loving right now, and what is deeply disappointing me. Deeply, people.

Further Elucidation Of My Cheap Deal: For those of you who are new to Cheap But Not Easy, every Thursday we, the blogosphere, get together and share our deepest thoughts and emotions in a safe group environment.

Another way of looking at it – people stop by and read what I wrote, and then post their own rants in the Comments section. However, that description lacks a certain elegance, so I prefer to call it Group Therapy Thursday!

Today’s topic relates to your shrink’s annoying habit of probing your psyche for your most intimate secrets and desires. God, could they BE any more nosey? Aren’t certain things sacred?

Perhaps, but at Group Therapy, we like to ask those hard-hitting questions, too, so we can really get to the heart of the matter. Or laugh at one another’s weirdness. Whatever.

Topic for discussion: What are three things NO ONE would ever guess about you? As always, to get the ball rolling (and because I am an attention junkie), I’ll go first.

1. I actually enjoy cooking. I know I’ve proclaimed far and wide that I don’t cook, but I’ve kind of been lying to you all. I just don’t cook particularly WELL. However, I still like to try. And hey! I mastered the art of risotto-making, I can bake a low-fat cake that tastes as good as the real thing, and I never over-cook fish. Which, apparently, is a big deal.
Now that I’ve come clean, don’t expect me to pop over and make you dinner. And this blog won’t start filling up with recipes. I play to my strengths, folks, and cooking ain’t one of them.

2. I secretly watch romantic movies and chick flicks in the privacy of my own home. To know me for more than five minutes is to understand what type of movie I’m all about. Blood? Awesome. Car chases? Bring it. People fighting and blowing things up? Sweet. Throw in a couple aliens, or elves, or monsters, and I am SET.
That being said, I still enjoy a touching romance from time to time. Worse? I even OWN a few, and watch my favorite scenes over and over again. This has given rise to my new favorite YouTube guilty pleasure – watching romantic movie montages set to love songs. You’d be surprised at how many feature my boyfriend, Gerard Butler.
Here’s the low down on my favorite chick flick/date movies: Love, Actually; Firelight (obscure British flick); Portrait of a Lady; The Tango Lesson; and the entire Jane Austin oeuvre.

3. I am painfully shy. No really, I am. The only problem is that I also have a deep-seated need to talk and share with others. In other words, I’m a performing monkey who’s afraid of her audience.
Just imagine what my days are like: “Ugh, people I don’t know, turn away from them…NO. MUST TALK. MUST SHARE WITH UTTER STRANGERS. No, I don’t want to… TOO BAD, TELLING THEM FUNNY STORY, HA HA HA.”
I’m afraid that one day, the two sides of me will split into separate people. One will be pure good and the other pure evil, bent on global destruction. Will they be able to stop her in time? Can her two sides rejoin into one Chick, before it’s too late? Stay tuned to find out.

Alrighty then, I’m finished with my confession. Now it’s time for YOU to open up to the group. Please tell us 3 things no one would ever guess about you. You have the floor. Or, rather, the Comments section.

Shameless Self-Promotion: I will be on the Cooper Lawrence Show, on FM 107, at 8:30 PM Central Standard Time. Tune in for cheap hilarity. Thanks!


Anonymous said...

Three things that no one knows about me? I tell everyone everything, so this is going to be HARD.
1) I cannot eat bananas. I love the flavor, but when I take a bite that little gag reflex that keeps humans from eating dangerous things goes nuts. I tried these both as a child and as an adult. It's a NO GO.
2) I love ironing. Some people actually do know this ... but most people don't. I know it's cool nowadays to say, "My kids don't even know what an iron is" but, that's not me. I don't shy away from clothes that require careful maintenance. And, now that I have the mother of all laundry rooms, it just makes my love that much stronger.
3) I cannot eat and look at an animal at the same time. I don't mind the cat in the kitchen, but I can't have the television on with an animal show or be standing at the sink with a bowl of cereal and see squirrels cavorting in the backyard. MechanicalMan says this is a sickness. I say, "fu*k off. You've known about this for 20 years. Deal with it."
That's it. I cannot think of anything juicy because EVERYONE already knows that I was a complete 'ho in college.

Larue said...

1. I have read every Harlequin Romance novel by Betty Neels (God rest her soul). They are all full of Dutch surgeons and young inncoent country girls, and the blatant sexism makes me want to throw them at the walls, and yet I LURVE them.
2. The first concert I ever went to was Barry Manilow, in the front row. My Aunt and her friends tried to force me on-stage to dance with him. It was traumatic. I can't even listen to "Mandy" anymore.
3. I was PAINFULLY shy (particularly around the opposite sex) until I joined the army. When I got to Airborne school and there were all these guys who hadn't seen women in months and were drooling over me in my dirty uniform and fugly hairnet, I started to blossom. Thank God I married El Jefe at 21. (Love you, dear!)
And that is all.

Gail said...

Dang! I can't think of anything! I have my own blog, and I tell a lot of stuff. You can find me at HOMD stands for Highlight Of My Day.
No, I have to think of something. OK, I, too, love ironing. There's something pleasing about seeing the wrinkles go bye-bye.
2. I don't mind doing mindless tasks like mailings, because I can daydream about other stuff.
3. I like to daydream about people throwing me surprise parties.

Parker said...

Look out people. Your minds are about to be blown.

1. I think a librarian would be my dream job. Now, I am not overly organized in my own life. Don't get me wrong, I DO have a color-coded planner, but my car and apartment are a little messy... you get the idea. To me, there is something amazing and comforing thinking of all those books in their perfect little order. I imagine myself hauling around returned books on a little cart and putting them back into their little home. Ahhh... how relaxing.

2. At night, when no one is watching, I secretly get sucked into infomercials. Seriously, I want what they are selling. I am sitting there channel surfing and then WHAM! There it is! That sandwichmaker/cake cooker/full meal deal amazing two sided cooking thing with wells and hinges... Oh how I want you. And it comes with 101 receipes. I would use you all the time. Easy clean-up! Someday, you WILL be mine!

And have you seen that steamer thing with that itty bitty nozel that banishes soap scum and dirt and other nasty stuff just by using water and NO other chemicals? I want that too.

3. Hmmmm... I can't think of another one. But, I think the first two were juicky enough.

Thanks Therapy Thursday!

Rachel (aka Parker's Mom)

mia said...

1. I like to read how-to books for activities, crafts, recipes, and hobbies that I have no interest in ever doing.

2. I like to go for coffee but mostly to get the free cookie (usually something chocolate-covered or butter-laden) that comes with the coffee at my favorite coffee place. Free food doesn't count for calories, you know.

3. I LOVE movies like American Pie, Harold and Kumar and Superbad.

Marketing Mama said...

I like watching teenage-girl chick flicks - this weekend I watched "sisterhood of the traveling pants" - I'm totally going to watch the new sequel, too.

That's bad enough so I'll leave it at that...

Nikki said...

1). That I am a vegetarian.
2). That I had heart surgery last year, and that the surgery was on Friday the 13th!
3). That I won the burping contest in high school (beat out all of the football players...ohyesIdid.........)