Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Before There Was Martha, There Was Betty-Anne (Revised, 3 Hours Later)

Tip Of The Day: Blast from the past (which I accidentally typed as ‘blast from the pants. Hmm.) – Frugal household tips from the days gone by. Like the 80’s.

Tip For Tomorrow: It’s Group Therapy Thursday! Stop by Cheap But Not Easy and get your free, weekly shrink fix. Otherwise known as “the chance to bitch about stuff and share embarrassing secrets. Good times!

Further Elucidation Of My Cheap Deal: Last week, Lou gave me a few books she found while sorting through her Grandma Flo’s things (Flo left us almost a year ago, which sucks). When Lou happened upon them, she INSTANTLY thought of me. Gee, I wonder why:

How does the blonde on the cover of Betty-Anne’s Helpful Household Hints get her hair so evenly colored and poufy? Amazing. Moreover, who the hell is Betty-Anne? And why should we care about her tips? She’s no Heloise, that’s for sure. And how big a dork am I for knowing who Heloise is? Yeah.

Speaking of those tips, an alarming amount of them seem to involve vinegar. Apparently, vinegar can do anything. It whitens yellow-y whites, it removes ground-in mud from jeans, it cleans copper and brass, it absorbs cooking odors, it causes impotency in errant young men, it can foretell the future, and it may cure cancer.

The amount of vinegar these books recommend you use around the house frightens me. I’d hate to walk into a home that smells like a well-dressed salad. Mmmmm, salad. And now I’m hungry.

One thing I do love about the books is their price tag - $3.95. That’s about how much a gallon of gas costs today. I guess things were just cheaper back in 1983 (when these books were published).

But! Al Gore hadn’t invented the Internet in 1983, which means I couldn’t bring you daily doses of frugal fabulocity via my blog. Maybe modern times aren’t so bad.

Betty-Anne and Fast & Thrifty Ways to Clean EVERYTHING IN YOUR HOME (what a bold statement for such an inexpensive book) will join my collection of other household paperbacks originally purchased by grandparents. Such as these:

By the way? I’ve put an egg on my face before, and it did NOTHING but make me stinky. Perhaps I was too young (16 at the time) to truly appreciate an egg’s skin-tightening abilities. My face was pretty solid back then, egg or no.

These books belonged to my Gramma Mac (a wise and thrifty German lass, not to mention a killer poker player and decent artist), who passed them on to me when I was young. Kind of like Obi-Wan passing his Jedi knowledge on to Luke.

"These are not the frugal tips you seek." "Luuuuuuuuke, use the Force - and also, less toilet paper."

Moving on.

Now I must ask you, am I alone? Am I the only person with a collection of really, truly random books? I may collect household hint books from the olden days, but what about you? What bizarro collection of books do you have lying around the house? And, can I read them? Or maybe mock you about them? I’d like that.

Extra Curricular Activities: Much like my favorite bands (Duran Duran, Styx); I, too, have created a side project. Instead of a spin-off Super Group (i.e. Power Station, Damn Yankees), Larue and I have created a spin-off Super Blog.

I am proud to present: The Chick And Chesty Show. Admission is free; enter at your own risk:

I am so pleased with our group effort. It has no point, it has no shtick (aside from Larue and I’s natural shtick, which springs from 24 years of friendship), and it has NO GREATER PURPOSE. Its sole reason for existence is that we think we are funny. You might find us funny, too. Stop by and see for yourself.

If you need an incentive, Larue and I have also posted MANY MANY MANY pix of ourselves in our heinous youth. You might be blinded by the hairspray and bad fashion choices, but you are guaranteed to be greatly amused.


LaRue said...

Hmm. El Jefe collects poker books. I collect old patterns from the turn of last century, and have absolutely no plans to sew any of them. And I collect books by Noel Streatfeild.

Those books are fab, though. And you silly, vinegar doesn't cure cancer, Purell does!

Amy the Mom said... who was the mystery commenter on yesterday's post? AND-when are we going to have a Twin Cities blogger meetup? I could be persuaded to pick up a round since you DO work for the competition, and I could be trying to recruit you...

Anonymous said...

I don't collect poker books, I read poker books. I don't think that's on par with boxes of never opened patterns. ;-)

Anyway, Larue is right about Purell. Nuf Said...

El Jefe