Saturday, April 5, 2008

Always Have A Back-Up Plan

This afternoon, I had the following conversation with my Sub-Mother, who is in town to babysit her grandchildren while her daughter whoops it up out of the country. For free. All expenses paid. Not that I hate her or anything.

What’s a Sub-Mother, you ask? She’s one of my Spare Mothers. I have two, plus a Godmother, a Stepmother and, of course, my Mother-Mother. Why do I need so many Mothers? In case one of them can’t perform their momly duties (like nag me about when I’m going to have kids), I have a back-up Mother to fill the gap.

Don’t laugh. I also have extra Father-Figures, a Godfather, and Back-Up Grandparents. It’s good to be prepared, is what I’m saying.

Anyhoo, Sub-Mother and I had, essentially, the following conversation. I have edited it for dramatic effect, but my whining is real:

Sub: “How did your research go for Monday’s TV segments?”
Me: “UGH. It was PAINFUL.”
Sub: “How is shopping painful?”
Me (whining): I went to Opitz, and they had these Stuart Weizman shoes marked down 90%, and I STILL couldn’t buy them.”
Sub: “How much were they?”
Me (still whining): They were originally $240, marked down to $24.”
Sub: “Wait, they were $124? You’re right, that’s still too expensive.”
Me (whining harder): “Nooooooo, they were only $24. But that’s $4 too much.”
Sub: “What? They were only $24, and you didn’t buy them? Why not?”
Me (again, with the whining): Because! I can’t spend more than $20 on anything I buuuuuyyyyy!”
Sub (muttering): “Oh for Pete’s sake…”
Me (whining to beat the band): “But then it got WORSE. I went to Nu Look, and they had Prada shoes, in my size, in the style and color I wanted, but they were $27.50! Even though they were marked down 75%, they were still TOO MUCH.”
Sub (getting annoyed): “WHAT?!?! There was Prada (PRADA!) in your size, for 75% off, and you didn’t BUY IT?!?!?”
Me (ratcheting up the whining to Olympic levels): “But I COULDN’T! They were over $20!”
Sub (reaching the end of her rope): “For the love of… That is IT. When my child gets back, I’m giving her $30 to give to you to buy those shoes. HONESTLY. ”

And that is why you need Extra Parents.


Bionic Beauty said...

You *so* make me laugh! Would it count if Sub-Mom's daughter bought the shoe's for you, as a gift? That is quite a bargain. You must be commended for your willpower!

Michelle said...

Nice job not caving with the shoes! I don't know how you did that.... such good deals. That is very sweet that your Sub Mom will buy the shoes for you. I am going to have to hit up Optiz for some shoes.

LaRUe said...

See what kind of example you are setting for G and S? Whine a little and people will buy you shoes. Sigh. What am I going to do with you?


katydidnot said...

where were the $24 shoes again?? i can buy them. i will buy them!

mia said...

I saw a cute AUTHENTIC Coach bag at Crossroads Clothing (a consignment/resale store) marked down to $16.50. Anyway, I was thinking about it while doing some other shopping around the store...and someone else snatched it up while I was looking at sunglasses.


The Material Girl said...

The Schma (aka Sub-Mother) will get a kick out of this. Note: the version of the conversation I heard was significantly less dramatic, but The Cheap Chick is allowed her license.

My trip was fabulous (not that any of you asked, but I am also allowed my license)!

The Cheap Chick also needs to remember that she and I wear the same shoe size!

Amy the Mom said...

Here's a new theory for shoes. You won't spend more than $20 on any item-right? Well, you have to buy two shoes, so to that line of thinking, you should be allowed to spend $40 per pair. Honestly, shoes have so much more functional viability than most clothes items, and so much more goes into crafting they're just so much fun to buy!